Sometimes I fall into dark places
Of hopelessness and despair,
And then ponder death:
Would there be freedom there?
I think about putting a gun to my head:
One simple Bang! And then I'd be dead.
No more life, no more pain, nothing more to dread,
Thanks to one little piece of lead.
I contemplate consuming a fistful of pills.
A few too many of the right kind kills.
Is living worth both the wounds and the thrills?
My soul finds nothing here that fills.
I think about slicing some of my veins
So that the blood and life from me could drain.
Is life something we lose? Or is death something we gain?
Is all we do here in vain?
I ponder leaping from a rooftop high.
As I fell, I could pretend to fly.
Maybe I'd be able to reach the sky,
If I could only just finally die.
But I know what will greet me when I die:
I will come face to face
With the Lord Jesus Christ,
The King of glory and grace.
Could I look Him in the eye
And find the strength to say,
“I know You suffered to give me life,
But I threw it all away.
I didn't care what You wanted,
Or about Your purpose or plan for me.
Your wisdom and care in my life
Was something I didn't see.
I didn't consider the pain
Of all those I'd leave behind
Worthy of being compared
To the suffering that was mine.
Though You said You'd give me strength
And would never leave or forsake,
You, Lord God, were not enough for me,
So my life I had to take”?
What words to speak to Almighty God!
What selfishness and arrogant pride!
To defy the Holy One,
Who loves me so much that He died.
He put me on earth for a reason,
And His will is pure and true.
He created me with purpose,
And when I sinned, He made me new.
He was close to me in my anguish,
Yes, He never left my side.
He understood the pain that I felt
For He experienced it in His life.
Forgive these thoughts, O Lord!
This one thing I know:
You bought me with precious blood,
And my life is not my own.
So when I fall into dark places,
His hand lifts me up.
He carries me to a place above it all,
Filled with peace and joy and love.
This place is in His presence,
Where I am completely satisfied.
I will worship my Savior forever:
The Man who was crucified.
This life is not forever,
But life in Paradise with Him will be.
In His time, I will pass from here
And then live eternally.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
~Psalm 139:16
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
~1 Corinthians 6:19-20
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
~Romans 8:18
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